People who favor unguarded or anonymous sex over recurrent partner play have probably faced the wrath of slut-shaming culture at some point in their sexual journey. However, for other people, the desire for emotion-free sex is more than just a celebration of sexuality and bodily autonomy; it is a sign of their sexual orientation. There it is: fraysexuality.
According to queer and polyamory-inclusive sex educator Lateef Taylor, “‘fraysexual’ is a term that characterizes someone who experiences sexual attraction toward persons they don’t know or don’t know very well. And as time passes and they get to know the person better, the sexual attraction they feel for strangers or new friends may fade.
Fraysexuality can be thought of as the flip side of demisexuality, or the sexual orientation in which someone doesn’t experience sexual attraction until an emotional bond is formed, according to Western Aces, an asexuality resource guide that was initially developed for Western Washington University students. However, demisexuality and fraysexuality share the fact that they both belong within the asexuality range. According to Taylor, “fraysexuality falls under the asexuality umbrella since it defines a sexual attraction experience that is outside of “the standard way.”
What fraysexuality is isn’t
The gender to whom a person is attracted as well as the feeling of attraction are unaffected by a person’s sexual orientation, which is known as fraysexual (or lack thereof). Additionally, it has no bearing on a person’s preferred relationship types or structures or romantic orientation.
“Someone can be gay and fraysexual or straight and fraysexual,” says sex and relationship coach Caitlin V., MPH, who identifies as fraysexual. Likewise, someone can be fraysexual and also experience romantic attraction to people of any gender or genders—or not. (This is known as one’s romantic orientation.)
A person who identifies as fraysexual may also be aromantic, which means they lack romantic attraction, but they also have the option of being biromantic, homoromantic, heteroromantic, or possessing any other romantic orientation. “Losing interest in someone sexually once you get to know them does not mean you lose interest in them romantically,” claims Taylor.
Fraysexual people who do have romantic sentiments may also have a preferred type of relationship, such as polyamory, monogamy, non-monogamy, or swing relationships. V. observes that some individuals, like herself, perceive their chosen relationship structure as a particular orientation.